Even though the words and actions of our loved ones can have a huge impact on us, but a lot of times what they say or do is just about what’s going on in their own inner world – that is their mindset and emotional experience at that point of time.
No one intends to hurt anyone; everyone is just out there trying to get their needs met – either emotional, psychological or physical.
But yes, we end up hurting people when we are not self-aware enough and we get a little selfish about getting our needs met at the cost of hurting another. Sometimes we end up hurting someone because of the unconscious templates of behaviour stored in our brain but not known to us at a conscious level (will write more on this in an upcoming post)
After a certain age, we all are standing on a balancing scale – trying to fulfill our responsibilities and trying to get our needs met. Struggling to create the balance between these two.
Even though everyone struggles with it, but parents struggle with it all the time because parenting is an all time responsibility they can’t walk away from. But when the responsibility gets too much for them and their needs are going unmet, then they end up doing things for themselves without consciously realizing its impact on the children.
Now a lot of pain and hurt ensues from this process, because parents are the child’s whole world and as children, we don’t understand the mental struggles parents go through. As children, we take everything personally and blame ourselves if we feel a lack of love and security from them.
However, the reality is..in most relational situations, no one is at fault. Everyone is just trying their best to put up with this complex thing called life.
And when we understand this, then we can find ways to heal our pain and be compassionate towards the ones who we think have hurt us. Yes they might have hurt us, but the truth is that most likely, they didn’t mean to!
As for the boy who hurt you because he was confused about commitment, he was also trying to get his need for love met through you. But since he was not living his truth and did not make an effort to understand his emotions, he ended up hurting you.
But then again, he didn’t mean to.
As for the friend who betrayed you because they prioritized some personal interest over friendship, they were probably struggling with the balance of being a good friend and getting one of their needs met.
I am not trying to justify anyone’s bad behaviour. If they hurt you, you must do everything you can to stand up for yourself and protect yourself from further pain.
But what I am trying to say here is that there really is no right or wrong in this world. Everything is subjective. So when you feel hurt by someone you love, then just for the sake of your peace of mind, try to look for evidence of the fact that they probably didn’t mean to! 🙂
