One thing is common and real in each heartbreak – THE PAIN!
So first of all, I want to validate the pain of a heartbreak as being very real. It is as real as physical pain, sometimes even worse. It actually affects not only our emotions, but our body as well. (Though emotions and body are inter-linked, but more on that in some other post…). So if anyone tells you to “just get over it” or tries to diminish your pain in any way, don’t take it to your heart. Only a heartbroken person can understand the depth and intensity of that pain.
However, this excruciating pain has a purpose! It is a blessing! And it’s good for you in the long run! All this may sound weird to you if you haven’t learnt the lessons this pain was trying to teach you, but all these things are true. Here’s why:
The heart breaks when we were trying to get someone to love us, but they didn’t. Of if they loved us, they stopped and we found ourselves deprived of their love. In all the cases, we ended up feeling unlovable and love-deprived. And it happens because their love had become a reason for our happiness.
But the truth is, no one is responsible for making us happy! Period.
People can add to our happiness but the only person who has to create it for you is YOU. And the way we create our happiness is by loving ourselves and being at peace while we are single. We create our peace by not being scared of being alone. We love ourselves by taking care of our emotions and getting our life in order.
Self-love. What is that?
The problem is that while we are growing up, no one teaches us how to love ourselves, be at peace, and how not to seek anything outside of ourselves to be happy. Self-love is a concept which is alien to MOST people including our parents.
So, how is heartbreak good for you? Because when the heart breaks, then all the love which we have for ourselves comes rushing out of it and fills us up!
If it’s not making sense yet, try to visualize it and continue reading…
Now try to understand the physical visualization in the emotional sense. Till the time we don’t suffer a heartbreak, we keep looking for love outside. But after someone hurts us that much, that insane amount of pain makes us realize how we were losing ourselves in the process of loving another too much. We start to realize how we had stopped caring for our own needs and our own feelings while chasing someone else.
And in this beautiful process of self-realizations, all the pain which comes out of the heart when it breaks, converts into self-love! 🙂
Strong foundation for your next relationship
Now you find yourself on your journey towards creating your own happiness and feeling okay being by yourself. You learn to not diminish your needs and feelings for someone again. You learn to love and respect yourself. And when after going through the process of grieving their loss, you accept the possibility of welcoming love again in your life, you know that this time, they will only add to your happiness instead of creating it. You now know that no matter what happens ahead, they can’t take that feeling of strength away from you. And this, my friend, is the foundation of a loving, healthy relationship. With yourself and with that someone who will wholeheartedly want to be with you !
So, now you see why your heartbreak is a blessing! Take your time to feel the pain. Do not rush the process. But have faith, that you will come out of it happier and stronger 🙂
