Someone close to me told me once “Betrayal only happens where there is trust“. It is a normal, logical sentence but it stirred something in me. Because it suddenly dawned on me that betrayal and trust are two sides of a coin just like love and fear, life and death, light and dark etc. So, it means that just because we got betrayed by someone at some point in our lives, it doesn’t mean that we should stop trusting others in the future.
However, it doesn’t work that way, does it? Once we get betrayed, most of us tend to develop trust issues, especially in romantic relationships. The pain of one heartbreak makes it difficult for us to believe that the next person will not leave us heartbroken like that. But there are more reasons because of which we develop trust issues in relationships.
Reasons for having trust issues with your partner
- You grew up in a household where you saw a parent or a relative cheating on their partner and therefore, you developed a belief that people cheat & betray.
- You heard stories from other people in society and saw things on social media which made you develop a belief that people are generally unfaithful in relationships.
- You loved someone and trusted them and they cheated on you.
- You cheated on someone in the past. So you think other people can do it too.
- You put your partner on a higher pedestal and you chase them. So you can’t trust them because you are being with someone who doesn’t love you back equally.
Tips to heal trust issues and learning to trust again
The simplest answer of how to heal trust issues is to build self-trust and strength to handle a betrayal. Because the harsh truth is, that no one can promise you that your trust will never be broken again. So, how do you build self-trust? By understanding yourself deeply, knowing your priorities & values, honoring how you feel in each moment and trusting your heart/intuition about a person or a situation. This kind of self-trust gives you the ability to trust people because now you have developed an inner strength to handle a possible betrayal.
As regards the reasons which I have mentioned above, here are specific tips for each reason:
1. Try to understand why your parent/relative cheated. As an adult, you can see the bigger picture which you could not have seen as a child. Usually, people don’t cheat to betray, but they cheat to get their needs met. It isn’t fair but sometimes, for various reasons, partners can’t meet each other’s physical or emotional need; and therefore, people try to find love outside. So, build a loving relationship with yourself before committing to love another, so that such a situation doesn’t arise. Secondly, release that impression from your heart that everyone cheats.
2. Societal conditioning and social media trends can corrupt our lives to a great extent, but only if we allow them to. Happy marriages and faithful partners exist, and that’s the belief you should hold for a loving, long-lasting relationship/marriage.
3. If someone you loved cheated on you, then probably you were abandoning yourself in that relationship and as painful as it might have been, it was a way of the universe telling you to not lose your true self & authenticity in order to keep a relationship. That’s a wake up call by God to look at our beliefs, insecurities and most importantly, to get our self-worth and self-respect back. Look back closely at your own emotional state at the time of that incident and you will find the answers and lessons you need to learn from that experience.
4. This is very common one which becomes a hindrance on people’s ability to heal trust issues. If you cheated on someone in the past, you can develop deep trust issues because you are subconsciously aware that you can be cheated on too. You can become hyper-alert about your partner’s words/actions because you are aware of how you had cheated. This is a pattern which can hamper your life, so forgive yourself, if possible – apologize to the one you cheated on, and then have faith that mistakes makes you human and you deserve loyalty in a relationship too 🙂
5. This one is my favourite! If you decide to be with someone who hasn’t chosen you wholeheartedly, then you will always feel insecure and have trust issues. The solution to heal this trust issue is to believe that you are worthy of being loved and chosen. Therefore, you don’t have to settle with someone or chase someone who gives you constant anxiety about being able to trust them. Let someone earn your trust and your heart ❤️
The best way to heal trust issues is deciding to trust people (of course take your time to trust them) and learn from your experiences and trusting yourself to deal with the consequences. Don’t let your trust issues keep you away from people who genuinely care for you 😊🌸
