Reasons for having trust issues with your partner

1. You grew up in a household where you saw a parent or a relative cheating on their partner and therefore, you developed a belief that people cheat & betray.
2. You heard stories from other people in society and saw things on social media which made you develop a belief that people are generally unfaithful in relationships.
3. You loved someone and trusted them and they cheated on you.
4. You cheated on someone in the past. So you think other people can do it too.
5. You put your partner on a higher pedestal and you chase them. So you can’t trust them because you are being with someone who doesn’t love you back equally.

Tips to heal trust issues and learning to trust again

The simplest answer of how to heal trust issues is twofold:

a. Don’t take one person’s actions to be the truth for other people you meet in life. Just because one person cheated or betrayed, doesn’t mean that every person is like that. Believe that there are good, loyal, trustworthy people in this world too and you will start finding them

b. Build self-trust and the strength to handle a betrayal. Yes, unfortunate situations can arise, but if it happens 20 years later, you would have lived 20 happy years and then you will be aligned with something better in life if you are strong enough to handle setbacks.

So, how do you build self-trust? By being emotionally mature, knowing your priorities & values, honoring how you feel in each moment and trusting your heart/intuition about a person or a situation. And how do you build the strength? By getting your own social life and financial stability in order so that a betrayal hurts you but doesn’t break you.

As regards the reasons which I have mentioned above, here are specific tips for each reason:

1. Try to understand why your parent/relative cheated. As an adult, you can see the bigger picture which you could not have seen as a child. Usually, people don’t cheat to betray, but they cheat to get their needs met. It isn’t fair but sometimes, for various reasons, partners can’t meet each other’s physical or emotional need; and therefore, people try to find love outside. So, build a loving relationship with yourself before committing to love another, so that such a situation doesn’t arise. Secondly, release that impression from your heart that everyone cheats.

2. Societal conditioning and social media trends can corrupt our lives to a great extent, but only if we allow them to. Happy marriages and faithful partners exist, and that’s the belief you should hold for a loving, long-lasting relationship/marriage.

3. If someone you loved cheated on you, then probably you were abandoning yourself in that relationship and as painful as it might have been,it was a way of the universe telling you to not lose your true self & authenticity in order to keep a relationship. That’s a wake up call by God to look at our beliefs, insecurities and most importantly, to get our self-worth and self-respect back. Look back closely at your own emotional state at the time of that incident and you will find the answers and lessons you need to learn from that experience.

4. This is very common one which becomes a hindrance on people’s ability to heal trust issues. If you cheated on someone in the past, you can develop deep trust issues because you are subconsciously aware that you can be cheated on too. You can become hyper-alert about your partner’s words/actions because you are aware of how you had cheated. This is a pattern which can hamper your life, so forgive yourself, if possible – apologize to the one you cheated on, and then have faith that mistakes makes you human and you deserve loyalty in a relationship too

5. This one is my favourite! If you decide to be with someone who hasn’t chosen you wholeheartedly, then you will always feel insecure and have trust issues. The solution to heal this trust issue is to believe that you are worthy of being loved and chosen. Therefore, you don’t have to settle with someone or chase someone who gives you constant anxiety about being able to trust them. Let someone earn your trust and your heart

The best way to heal trust issues is deciding to trust people (of course take your time to trust them), learn from your experiences and trusting yourself to deal with whatever life brings to you. Don’t let your trust issues keep you away from people who genuinely care for you

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Hurt by the rejection

If you feel hurt by their rejection and it has impacted your self-worth very badly, then please understand that searching “how to get my ex back” will only further hurt your self-respect because that’s your way of telling your subconscious that your value as a person is dependent on someone else choosing you. If you don’t get them, then will you label yourself as unlovable for the rest of your life? Or will you do the exact opposite and tell yourself that YOU ARE LOVABLE and it was just that the relationship did not work out? Keep this answer in mind and read on till the end

They can’t forgive you

Now, the second reason we mentioned above was that you did something so wrong that they could not forgive you? If that thing is cheating, then ask yourself why did you cheat and work on yourself regarding that reason. If it was something else, then try improving that thing (for your own good, and not just to get them back) and reach out to them with a sincere apology. Most likely, they will be ready to give it another shot if you don’t act desperate and you have really changed yourself in the best interest of both of you as a couple.

You were incompatible but loved each other

Third reason is actually the most common reason, which is that you fought too much and now you miss the good part. Now here’s the thing – the reasons behind this go way deeper than you know and understand on a surface level. When two people who love each other but can’t seem to make it work, then there are a lot of psychological and subconscious reasons behind it. It may look like that you fought over silly things; but in reality, the things which are affecting your relationship could be one or more of these:

Your attachment styles, love languages, subconscious fears and insecurities, the impact of your parents’ relationship on your psyche and your relationship with one or both of your parents. I have summed it up in two sentences but it takes time and effort to understand these concepts and finding which one applies to you and how to heal it. This is why Relationship Coaching has started to become a necessity because we are not taught these concepts in school or college. Now, if you miss the good times and your partner, then don’t lose hope. With a little help from a Relationship Coach and faith in your love, there is a good chance that you two can get back together and build a happy, healthy relationship

Heal the barriers to love

Now in all three situations above, and any other fourth or fifth or sixth reason of breakup, one thing which is the answer to “How to get my Ex back?” is that you have to understand yourself deeply. You have to become very self-aware of why do you need companionship? Because if it is to not feel lonely or for someone else to make you happy, then that is a recipe for disaster. Your partner’s job is not to make you happy. Their job is to make you HAPPIER! Your partner’s job is not to take away your loneliness. Their job is to share each other’s already happy lives. When you get together or get BACK together with someone from a place of feeling lovable, worthy and having a lot of self-respect, then that is what has full potential of converting into a fulfilling, happy relationship

Become the star of your own movie, not a cameo in someone else’s

So, now let me get back to the one who I have kept waiting from Point 1 If your answer is that you do feel lovable despite the breakup, then be assured that your chances of getting your Ex back are quite high and if that doesn’t happen, then you will find love again and it’s going to be way better and way more beautiful than the previous one. But if your answer is that you have labelled yourself as unlovable and unworthy because of their rejection, then my dear friend, heal that soft part of your heart Do it on your own or take help of a Relationship Coach. The breakup has a higher purpose of making you fall in love with yourself by building a life where you feel happy and worthy even being single and becoming the best version of yourself. And when that happens, then you will no longer be googling “How to get my Ex back?” because you will be too busy enjoying your newfound self-love, self-worth and an absolutely joyful life And when you will be doing that while keeping your heart open, then the love of your life will bump into you on a random pleasant day

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Reasons of stress

So let’s take a look at why we feel stressed almost most of the time. Please find the one which you relate to the most:
1. We are stuck in our painful past and can’t seem to let go of it.
2. We are worrying about the future and getting anxious about making it perfect.
3. We are interpreting a situation through the lens of our experience and personality and realizing that it’s a hurtful/negative/stressful/difficult situation.
4. We can’t make sense of how we feel or why do we feel sad/empty/angry/anxious most of the time for a reason we can’t seem to figure out.
5. We are going through financial troubles and see no way to get out of them.
6. We went through a heartbreak/divorce or having difficulty maintaining cordial happy equation with family or any of friends.
7. We have suffered the loss of a loved one and we don’t know how to cope up with it.
8. It could be any other personal/professional reason which is not listed here.

So, after identifying your reason and looking at the list, I am sure you can observe that most of the reasons (except financial troubles) relate to our own mind and way of dealing with things. Right?

So do you see any possibility that if we work on our mindset and go deeper into exploring our feelings, maybe we can eliminate some amount of stress?

Claim the power within you

The reason why I am probing you with these questions is to tell you that we all have that ability/power within us to transform our lives and make it better. We are not a victim of our circumstances, at least in most cases. It’s the mind which keeps us in a constant state of stress with its endless chatter. The mind, which we are supposed to use to make our life better, has started using us to make it worse.

Now you might wonder “but I am my mind”. And that’s the lie which has plagued the world and filled our lives with this dreaded ‘stress’.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND. Your mind is a tool given to you to survive on this earth and handle your existential needs. WHO YOU REALLY ARE IS THE ENERGY WHICH CAN OBSERVE YOUR MIND IF YOU STOP TO LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.

Some of you can see the spiritual angle. But for those of you who can’t, who we really are is OUR SOUL. And that soul is a part/piece of the bigger energy which surrounds all of us. You may call the bigger energy Universe/God/Source or anything else. And that energy is already filled with all the love, abundance & joy we go on seeking. Which means that YOU ARE all the love, abundance and joy you seek outside of yourself. In simpler words, you don’t need anything outside of you to make you happy. That “next thing” which will make you happy is an illusion.

Of course we are supposed to have loving relationships in life, live a rich comfortable life and serve others in some way to make a living and fulfill ourselves. But if you are always chasing these things to feel happy, you will never be truly happy. Because real happiness comes with being at peace with yourself.

Let’s come back to how the mind creates the stress. The mind keeps us in the past or the future while THE ULTIMATE TRUTH IS THE PRESENT MOMENT.
The present moment is all we ever have. The present moment is life. And though it’s not an easy thing to do, but once we embrace this truth and learn the art of mindfulness i.e. staying present, life becomes a lot easier.

Secondly, the mind is gripped with a lot of fears, limiting beliefs, insecurities and perceptions which shape our reality and experiences. The mind generates thoughts and feelings based on these, which ultimately affects our actions and results in life.

But like I said, we do have the power to not let our mind rules our lives in a negative way. Once we learn to understand ourselves at a deeper level and start aligning with our soul, our life turns around to fill us with love, abundance and happiness.

And the stress? It starts coming and going, because we learn to manage it better and learn the lessons it came to teach us. And we no longer stay constantly stressed

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However, this excruciating pain has a purpose! It is a blessing! And it’s good for you in the long run! All this may sound weird to you if you haven’t learnt the lessons this pain was trying to teach you, but all these things are true. Here’s why:

The heart breaks when we were trying to get someone to love us, but they didn’t. Of if they loved us, they stopped and we found ourselves deprived of their love. In all the cases, we ended up feeling unlovable and love-deprived. And it happens because their love had become a reason for our happiness.

But the truth is, no one is responsible for making us happy! Period.
People can add to our happiness but the only person who has to create it for you is YOU. And the way we create our happiness is by loving ourselves and being at peace while we are single. We create our peace by not being scared of being alone. We love ourselves by taking care of our emotions and getting our life in order.

Self-love. What is that?

The problem is that while we are growing up, no one teaches us how to love ourselves, be at peace, and how not to seek anything outside of ourselves to be happy. Self-love is a concept which is alien to MOST people including our parents.

So, how is heartbreak good for you? Because when the heart breaks, then all the love which we have for ourselves comes rushing out of it and fills us up!
If it’s not making sense yet, try to visualize it and continue reading…

Now try to understand the physical visualization in the emotional sense. Till the time we don’t suffer a heartbreak, we keep looking for love outside. But after someone hurts us that much, that insane amount of pain makes us realize how we were losing ourselves in the process of loving another too much. We start to realize how we had stopped caring for our own needs and our own feelings while chasing someone else.

And in this beautiful process of self-realizations, all the pain which comes out of the heart when it breaks, converts into self-love!

Strong foundation for your next relationship

Now you find yourself on your journey towards creating your own happiness and feeling okay being by yourself. You learn to not diminish your needs and feelings for someone again. You learn to love and respect yourself. And when after going through the process of grieving their loss, you accept the possibility of welcoming love again in your life, you know that this time, they will only add to your happiness instead of creating it. You now know that no matter what happens ahead, they can’t take that feeling of strength away from you. And this, my friend, is the foundation of a loving, healthy relationship. With yourself and with that someone who will wholeheartedly want to be with you !

So, now you see why your heartbreak is a blessing! Take your time to feel the pain. Do not rush the process. But have faith, that you will come out of it happier and stronger

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For e.g. if we believe that we are not worthy of love, then we will have a hard time receiving love from someone and we are likely to push that loving person away because of that. If we believe money is the root of all evil, then we are blocking the financial abundance coming our way. If we believe that people can’t be trusted, then we will always come across people who are untrustworthy because that’s how the universe works.

Our beliefs are shaped by the upbringing, conditioning and programming we receive from our family and society while growing up. Mostly, we are likely to have a list of many limiting beliefs by the time we grow up. Limiting beliefs are the beliefs which limit the kind of wonderful life you could create if you didn’t have them.

There are lots of beliefs we all have about things. But the most important ones are those which we have about our own selves.

So whatever your existing limiting beliefs are, today I insist you to believe the following things about yourself :

You are lovable. You are worthy. You deserve all the happiness in life. You deserve to live a comfortable life filled with financial abundance. You deserve someone who truly loves you. You deserve to be surrounded by happy meaningful relationships which support you and encourage you. You are here to create the life of your dreams and you absolutely have the power to do so, no matter what the world tells you. You matter!!

Take this first baby step towards absorbing these new beliefs about yourself and see how you bring happiness, love and abundance in your life

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