Hurt by the rejection

If you feel hurt by their rejection and it has impacted your self-worth very badly, then please understand that searching “how to get my ex back” will only further hurt your self-respect because that’s your way of telling your subconscious that your value as a person is dependent on someone else choosing you. If you don’t get them, then will you label yourself as unlovable for the rest of your life? Or will you do the exact opposite and tell yourself that YOU ARE LOVABLE and it was just that the relationship did not work out? Keep this answer in mind and read on till the end

They can’t forgive you

Now, the second reason we mentioned above was that you did something so wrong that they could not forgive you? If that thing is cheating, then ask yourself why did you cheat and work on yourself regarding that reason. If it was something else, then try improving that thing (for your own good, and not just to get them back) and reach out to them with a sincere apology. Most likely, they will be ready to give it another shot if you don’t act desperate and you have really changed yourself in the best interest of both of you as a couple.

You were incompatible but loved each other

Third reason is actually the most common reason, which is that you fought too much and now you miss the good part. Now here’s the thing – the reasons behind this go way deeper than you know and understand on a surface level. When two people who love each other but can’t seem to make it work, then there are a lot of psychological and subconscious reasons behind it. It may look like that you fought over silly things; but in reality, the things which are affecting your relationship could be one or more of these:

Your attachment styles, love languages, subconscious fears and insecurities, the impact of your parents’ relationship on your psyche and your relationship with one or both of your parents. I have summed it up in two sentences but it takes time and effort to understand these concepts and finding which one applies to you and how to heal it. This is why Relationship Coaching has started to become a necessity because we are not taught these concepts in school or college. Now, if you miss the good times and your partner, then don’t lose hope. With a little help from a Relationship Coach and faith in your love, there is a good chance that you two can get back together and build a happy, healthy relationship

Heal the barriers to love

Now in all three situations above, and any other fourth or fifth or sixth reason of breakup, one thing which is the answer to “How to get my Ex back?” is that you have to understand yourself deeply. You have to become very self-aware of why do you need companionship? Because if it is to not feel lonely or for someone else to make you happy, then that is a recipe for disaster. Your partner’s job is not to make you happy. Their job is to make you HAPPIER! Your partner’s job is not to take away your loneliness. Their job is to share each other’s already happy lives. When you get together or get BACK together with someone from a place of feeling lovable, worthy and having a lot of self-respect, then that is what has full potential of converting into a fulfilling, happy relationship

Become the star of your own movie, not a cameo in someone else’s

So, now let me get back to the one who I have kept waiting from Point 1 If your answer is that you do feel lovable despite the breakup, then be assured that your chances of getting your Ex back are quite high and if that doesn’t happen, then you will find love again and it’s going to be way better and way more beautiful than the previous one. But if your answer is that you have labelled yourself as unlovable and unworthy because of their rejection, then my dear friend, heal that soft part of your heart Do it on your own or take help of a Relationship Coach. The breakup has a higher purpose of making you fall in love with yourself by building a life where you feel happy and worthy even being single and becoming the best version of yourself. And when that happens, then you will no longer be googling “How to get my Ex back?” because you will be too busy enjoying your newfound self-love, self-worth and an absolutely joyful life And when you will be doing that while keeping your heart open, then the love of your life will bump into you on a random pleasant day

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Reasons of stress

So let’s take a look at why we feel stressed almost most of the time. Please find the one which you relate to the most:
1. We are stuck in our painful past and can’t seem to let go of it.
2. We are worrying about the future and getting anxious about making it perfect.
3. We are interpreting a situation through the lens of our experience and personality and realizing that it’s a hurtful/negative/stressful/difficult situation.
4. We can’t make sense of how we feel or why do we feel sad/empty/angry/anxious most of the time for a reason we can’t seem to figure out.
5. We are going through financial troubles and see no way to get out of them.
6. We went through a heartbreak/divorce or having difficulty maintaining cordial happy equation with family or any of friends.
7. We have suffered the loss of a loved one and we don’t know how to cope up with it.
8. It could be any other personal/professional reason which is not listed here.

So, after identifying your reason and looking at the list, I am sure you can observe that most of the reasons (except financial troubles) relate to our own mind and way of dealing with things. Right?

So do you see any possibility that if we work on our mindset and go deeper into exploring our feelings, maybe we can eliminate some amount of stress?

Claim the power within you

The reason why I am probing you with these questions is to tell you that we all have that ability/power within us to transform our lives and make it better. We are not a victim of our circumstances, at least in most cases. It’s the mind which keeps us in a constant state of stress with its endless chatter. The mind, which we are supposed to use to make our life better, has started using us to make it worse.

Now you might wonder “but I am my mind”. And that’s the lie which has plagued the world and filled our lives with this dreaded ‘stress’.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR MIND. Your mind is a tool given to you to survive on this earth and handle your existential needs. WHO YOU REALLY ARE IS THE ENERGY WHICH CAN OBSERVE YOUR MIND IF YOU STOP TO LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.

Some of you can see the spiritual angle. But for those of you who can’t, who we really are is OUR SOUL. And that soul is a part/piece of the bigger energy which surrounds all of us. You may call the bigger energy Universe/God/Source or anything else. And that energy is already filled with all the love, abundance & joy we go on seeking. Which means that YOU ARE all the love, abundance and joy you seek outside of yourself. In simpler words, you don’t need anything outside of you to make you happy. That “next thing” which will make you happy is an illusion.

Of course we are supposed to have loving relationships in life, live a rich comfortable life and serve others in some way to make a living and fulfill ourselves. But if you are always chasing these things to feel happy, you will never be truly happy. Because real happiness comes with being at peace with yourself.

Let’s come back to how the mind creates the stress. The mind keeps us in the past or the future while THE ULTIMATE TRUTH IS THE PRESENT MOMENT.
The present moment is all we ever have. The present moment is life. And though it’s not an easy thing to do, but once we embrace this truth and learn the art of mindfulness i.e. staying present, life becomes a lot easier.

Secondly, the mind is gripped with a lot of fears, limiting beliefs, insecurities and perceptions which shape our reality and experiences. The mind generates thoughts and feelings based on these, which ultimately affects our actions and results in life.

But like I said, we do have the power to not let our mind rules our lives in a negative way. Once we learn to understand ourselves at a deeper level and start aligning with our soul, our life turns around to fill us with love, abundance and happiness.

And the stress? It starts coming and going, because we learn to manage it better and learn the lessons it came to teach us. And we no longer stay constantly stressed

The post “I feel so stressed”. Is it you? appeared first on Have Loving Relationships.